Embarking on the recovery journey is a challenging decision, full of conflicting emotions and ideas. This discussion explores what recovery means and how your life may be different after undertaking the recovery journey. It may feel difficult at the moment to envisage a life without eating disorders, but it is possible.

Being recovered will involve liberation from far more than food obsession. It will also mean different things for different people. It comprises a host of discoveries and revelations about relationships, confidence, self-esteem and beliefs. It may not mean you never have a ‘bad body image’ day again, or never use food for stress relief or for comfort when in really bad places. But it does mean that generally you will be free from thinking about food, exercise and calories and be able to express yourself in more constructive ways.

Many recovered people talk about being free to be themselves. There is more time to explore interests and desires in life and to spend time with close friends and family without the stress of an eating issue. Others talk about how they are more true to, and honest with themselves and more able to express their feelings and emotions without fear. Feeling more in control and being able to say ‘no’ when they want to are some of the things they have learned during the recovery journey. People talk about having more energy and excitement for life and appreciating, respecting and caring for themselves.

For many people, the definition of recovery continually changes, as they get better. At some stages, it is less associated with the eating disorder behaviour and more centred on the processes of living.

Here are some of the daily benefits of recovering from an eating issue:

• looking in the mirror and feeling relaxed, content, grateful and/or pleased;
• going out for a meal without preparing for it by food restriction or exercise, feeling guilty or dieting to compensate the next day;
• being able to experience strong feelings of love, happiness, health, hope, trust and friendship;
• being able to enjoy food and eat for pleasure without feeling selfconscious or guilty;
• gaining or losing a bit of weight without panicking or engaging in destructive disordered eating behaviours;
• having a problem or disagreement and being able to confidently and successfully deal with it without retreating to your eating disorder;
• discovering new aspects of yourself and enjoying yourself;
• exercising because it feels great, not because you have to;
• having self-acceptance, self-love, self-care, self-respect, self-forgiveness and self-confidence.

How will I know that I’m getting better?

If you are successfully shifting your thinking and moving away from disordered eating, tangible ways of monitoring your progress can be quite helpful. In judging your progress, think about yourself as a whole person, the changes in your dieting practices and interpersonal skills, and your total life situation.  Sometimes it is a bit hard to tell whether we are getting better or not and in these cases, it is a good idea to ask for other people’s opinions. Ask your therapist or close friend, partner or family member. They may be eager to tell you that you are getting better to encourage you, but trust your gut instincts. If you think you are getting better, whether it is with dieting practices or socialising more often, reward yourself and do not underestimate the effort and the journey travelled so far. If you receive some feedback that you weren’t expecting or that causes you to feel upset or uncomfortable, explore it with the person.  Remember: It will take effort and practise. Also, this is a personal
process, so it is important to be honest with yourself about the extent to which you are challenging the eating disordered behaviours (otherwise you are only cheating yourself).

You are starting to recover if:

• your relationship with food is improving, you feel less guilty about eating and feel a greater sense of enjoyment or more flexibility around food and dieting;
• you have an increased awareness of when you are hungry or eating for emotional reasons;
• you can slow down your eating (if binge eating is an issue);
• you have an increased recognition of appetite satisfaction or hunger (in the case of self-starving);
• you are able to try different foods without fear;
• you are making more time for yourself and exploring nurturing activities;
• you are finding activities you enjoy, and taking pleasure in them;
• you feel less negative and more positive about yourself and your body image;
• you have an increasing ability to deal with emotions (other than food abuse);
• the bathroom scales have less power over how you see yourself (or your mood for the day);
• you can disentangle issues like self-esteem from issues of weight and diet control;
• your self-acceptance and self-esteem increases;
• you are more spontaneous;
• you feel some relief from physical symptoms and/or relief from the effects of starvation or purging.

Recovery is a deepening process where you can learn a lot about yourself, relationships, food, and life in general. Recovery from an eating disorder is unlikely to mean restoration to the person you were before, but to a more enriched, resilient, capable and self expressive person.

Quotes:

“Nobody could make a choice for me to recover. It’s important for people not to panic around the person. I had to step back and see what was my responsibility and leave some of the people behind that had hurt me.” – Dianne, 49.

“I thought recovery was being able to run around naked. When I learned that I didn’t have to be that comfortable with my body, a lot of pressure was taken off of me.” – Roxanna, 25.

Written by Jane Rosevear and Billie Murdoch.