“I do not get where I want and need to go in a huge step. I get there one step at a time. Until I’m running free!”

Congratulations if you have just made the decision to get well.  It is  important to remember that this is a big step and you should congratulate yourself on this breakthrough. Throughout the recovery journey try to remember that setbacks and bad days can be regarded, not as negatives, but more positively as challenging and valuable learning experiences.

Let’s begin by briefly examining this decision and the conflicting emotions that may be occurring for you right now. It is recognised that an eating disorder can feel safe and comforting because you know how it works.  However there are many reasons to recover, such as:

• The eating disorder is hurting all parts of you: body, mind and spirit;
• Your body is being badly damaged through the disorder’s behaviours;
• The eating disorder is causing you to feel weak, exhausted, cold and in pain;
• The eating disorder is making you feel disinterested, depressed and/or irritable;
• The longer you have it, the harder it gets;
• The eating disorder creates a divide between you and those you love;
• You want more focus in your life other than food and weight; and
• In the end, any eating disorder is an empty promise.

At this early stage of recovery, it is normal to be feeling overwhelmed or torn between recovery or keeping the eating disorder. Keep in mind however, that for the majority of people, the disordered eating patterns are symptoms of underlying issues that need to be faced. As you resolve your problems the strong grip of the eating disorder will gradually loosen. Also, be aware that much of the power of eating disorders lies in its enforced habit and practice. Step by step you can unlearn and challenge these behaviours, thoughts and emotions.

It may be helpful to view your life at the moment as a patchwork quilt. Some pieces have become unravelled. There is so much to deal with; the eating disorder ‘battle’ (a life in itself), other people, changes of many kinds, problems, life issues etc. The first question may well be: where do I start with everything? To avoid feeling ‘out of control’ with your recovery, aim to manage it gradually. Take small steps, one at a time.

Weight:

Although food and exercise is the symptom and not the real problem, it is important to change these at a pace you can handle. If you go too quickly, you may overwhelm yourself. Set small, daily and weekly goals. For example, everyday aim to eat an extra apple or 250mls of milk for a week. Many recovering people can progress very quickly, so just think: ‘the more normal, the better’. Take the time to congratulate yourself for any victory, no matter how small. Often, stabilising weight is best done gradually.

Therapy:

Similarly, facing the causative issues underlying the disordered eating, can be addressed gradually. It can sometimes feel hard to prioritise when all your emotions and difficulties are breaking through. However, it can be helpful in therapy and in your own approach not to try to alleviate and solve everything at once. Consult with your therapist if you are unsure where to start.

Relationships:

Emerging problems in your relationships are also most successfully dealt with by selecting the most important person or people to start with. Then address them one by one. To guide the start of your recovery, begin by setting up as many supports as you can:

1. ACEDA: We can help support you and put you in touch with further professional help.
2. Family, partners and friends: Be selective, but having several or just one reliable support can be invaluable.
3. Yourself: Be your own best friend. If you have trouble doing this, then imagine that you are talking to a best friend and realise that the negative voice of the eating disorder may still be at work within you.

You also probably have many resources already available to you.  To explore your feelings and emotions, journaling can be very helpful. When things get too stressful or chaotic,
remove yourself from the situation or create a private, special place for yourself. It is also a good idea to have a list of activities you can do when feeling stressed, overwhelmed or at times that you just want a break.

Be aware that hospital is only one treatment option. Great help can be obtained from: therapists, social workers, dieticians, community health centres and from informal supports, such as friends or local community groups. It is great to have a team or partnership of workers, if you need, such as a dietician, therapist and a GP.

Most importantly, have hope and faith in yourself. Keep imagining what your life will be like without your eating disorder and focus on the achievements you want to have in your life. Dream! Hope! Plan! If you feel a bit cut off from your emotions; just try and create a tiny spark within you.

"Build on this spark, Then a flame, Then a fire, Bright warm blaze will burn through".

Rest is important. It is so much better to stop and have a break than to get overwhelmed by the pressure of eating issues and to retreat backwards. We hope this next chapter will help you feel better prepared for your journey and provide you with more information to support you.

Quotes:

“Regular meals helped me overcome the urge to binge.” - Olivia, 31.

“You can get over it and live happily!” - Peta, 24.

“It doesn’t matter what your normal weight is because, you are a unique and beautiful person as it is.” - Rosanna, 25.

Written by Jane Rosevear.